LGBTQ2S+ | PCCS

Intimate Partner Violence and the
LGBTQ2S+ Community

Intimate partner violence (IPV) can affect anyone, including people in LGBTQ2S+ relationships. While abuse can look similar across all relationships, LGBTQ2S+ individuals may experience unique forms of control, isolation, and harm connected to identity, stigma, and discrimination. Understanding these experiences is an important step toward safety and support. If something feels unsafe, controlling, or harmful, trust your instincts. You deserve respect, safety, and care.

What Abuse Looks Like in
LGBTQ2S+ Relationships

Intimate Partner Violence (IPV) does not always involve physical harm. Abuse can be emotional or psychological, such as gaslighting, insults, intimidation, or controlling behaviour. It can also be sexual, financial, or digital, and may involve isolating someone from friends, family, or support systems. Many survivors experience more than one form of abuse at the same time. If someone is monitoring your messages, controlling your money, pressuring you sexually, or making you feel afraid to speak up or make your own choices, those experiences are valid and deserve attention.

For many LGBTQ2S+ survivors, abuse can be especially difficult to recognize or talk about. Common myths, such as the belief that abuse only happens in heterosexual relationships, the fear of discrimination, or the fear of being outed, can make reaching out for help feel risky. Some survivors worry that they will not be believed or that the services they receive will not be safe or affirming. In smaller or close-knit communities, fear of gossip or losing support can add another barrier. If you are unsure whether what you are experiencing is abuse, know that your feelings are valid and that help is available.

Threatening to "out" someone

"If you leave, I'll tell your family you're gay/trans"

Misgendering or Deadnaming

Using the wrong name or pronouns intentionally to hurt or control

Sabotaging Transition or Gender Expression

Hiding binders, hormones, wigs, makeup, clothing

Using Homophobia or Transphobia as Control

"No one else will love someone like you."

Controlling Access to Queer Spaces

Preventing partner from

attending Pride, support groups, or LGBTQ events.

Weaponizing Stereotypes

"Two women can't be abusive," "You're the man in the relationship"

Sexual Health Status coercion

Threatening to disclose sexual health status or using stigma to control

How Abuse Can Show Up in LGBTQ2S+ Relationships

If you are experiencing abuse in an LGBTQ2S+ relationship, you are not alone, what you are feeling matters. Abuse can sometimes show up in ways that feel deeply personal, especially when it involves identity or community. You may feel isolated from the queer community, even though it may be one of the few places where you feel safe or understood. In close-knit communities, an abusive partner may use jealousy, control, or shared social connections to limit who you see or who you trust, which can make reaching out for help feel overwhelming.

You may also notice your experiences being minimized or dismissed, with people suggesting that abuse “doesn’t happen” in same-sex relationships or that what you’re experiencing isn’t serious. This can be incredibly hurtful and confusing. Some abusers use their standing in the community to discredit or silence survivors, or take advantage of internalized shame related to identity or coming out. None of this is your fault, and you deserve to be believed, supported, and safe.

Why Abuse in LGBTQ2S+ Relationships Is Under-Recognized

Many survivors hesitate to name or seek help for intimate partner violence because of fear: fear of discrimination, fear of not being believed, or fear of being mistreated by police, healthcare providers, or support services. If you’ve ever worried about being judged, outed, or misunderstood, those fears are real and valid. In smaller communities, the concern about gossip or losing important social connections can make speaking up feel especially risky.

There is also a lack of LGBTQ2S+-affirming services in many areas, which can leave survivors feeling like there is nowhere safe to turn. Because of these barriers, you may question your own experiences or wonder if what you’re going through “counts” as abuse. It does. You deserve care, respect, and support, and help is available when you are ready.

Immediate Help

211 Alberta

Call, text, or chat to find local IPV and LGBTQ2S+ supports

Health Link 811

Guidance on healthcare and crisis services

Local Supports (DV)

PCCS

IPV counselling, referrals, and community resources

RCMP Victim Services

Crisis support, safety planning, and navigation

Alberta-Wide Resources

CMHA Alberta

2SLGBTQI+ resources

Transparent Alberta 101

Support groups and Pride networks

Community Connections